I don’t know.
I don’t know what is in a woman’s heart when she makes the decision to choose abortion.
I don’t know what thoughts are in her mind.
I don’t know her situation.
I don’t know her struggles.
I don’t know her fear.
I don’t know her pain.
But, I do know what’s in my heart.
I know my heart longs for a child to call my own.
I know how my heart breaks at the sight of a negative pregnancy test.
I know what it’s like to grasp at any idea or natural treatment to improve my odds. To take so many vitamins nausea becomes a friend.
I know what acupuncture three times a week for 14 weeks feels like-just in the hope it will work.
I know the disappointment of numerous failed medicated cycles and multiple IUIs.
I know the pain of injections and the roller coaster of hormones.
I know how broken I felt when IVF failed and I was told my only embryo didn’t make it.
I know how infertility feels.
I don’t know what it is like to hold a newborn of my own.
But, I’ve seen the awe in the faces of family and friends as they hold their precious babies.
I know the feeling of pride and love as I’ve held my nieces and nephews in their first few hours on earth.
I know that each child is a miracle, because miracles take time and I’m still waiting for mine, but I’ve been blessed to gaze into the eyes of many miracles.
I’ve felt the soft nuzzle in my neck from an 8 month old who gives the best snuggles.
I’ve held an 8 year old as we read a bed time story and she asked me to say her bed time prayers.
I’ve given pony rides to a 2 year old until my knees were sore.
I’ve seen the pure joy of nieces and nephews when I gave them puppies for Christmas.
I know the love of children.
And, I know each child is precious and deserves a voice. That’s why I wake up everyday to give children who aren’t mine the skills to communicate in this world.
I don’t know the pain of a miscarriage.
I don’t know the pain of carrying a child to term knowing there won’t be a heartbeat.
But, I know that after 32 years my mother still feels the loss of miscarriage.
I know friends and family who know the pain and emptiness a miscarriage leaves. I see their pain.
I know friends who have carried babies to term with the most faith and grace I’ve ever seen all the while knowing there wouldn’t be a heartbeat when they delivered.
And, in their loss there is a love that reaches beyond this earthly realm. A hole that will never be filled, but will always be full of love.
I’ve prayed for them. I continue to pray for them.
I don’t know abuse.
I don’t know neglect.
I don’t know assault.
But, I know love.
I know faith.
I know hope.
And, I know if you have those there isn’t a hurt out there God can’t heal.
I know that the Creator is the giver of life.
I know that His creations are not made by mistake.
I know in this life we will all have struggles-we will all have scars.
But, I also know that there isn’t a struggle that we walk through alone and a scar He can’t heal.
I know loss. Heart shattering, life altering loss.
And, I know that even in grief, struggle, and pain if we lean on Him we can make it through.
I don’t know how she feels.
But, she doesn’t know how I feel either.
There is life in the heartbeat.
Life is never a choice-life is always the answer.
P.S. If you’re a fellow infertility sister, I’d love to hear your story and add you to my prayer list. Infertility is lonely in a world full of babies so, it’s nice knowing you’re not alone.
P.P.S. Whatever season you are facing, whether it’s full of sadness, anger, bitterness, guilt, or remorse, God can handle it. I’d love to hear from you and add you to my prayer list, too.
P.P.P.S. If you’re on the cusp of considering an abortion, know your choices, seek counsel, and know you’re being prayed for. If you need a listening ear, I’m hear.