Summer is upon us in Arkansas. The burn ban is on. Rain hasn’t been seen or felt in days weeks. The grass is starting to get crunchy. First roads are getting dirtier. And, like most summers we’ll be on the cusp of a drought sooner rather than later if we don’t get rain soon. For the first time in a while, I opened my Bible. I’m ashamed to admit that. You see, not only are we on the brink of a physical drought, but I’ve been battling a spiritual drought.
My heart shattered when we were told IVF didn’t work. We invested so much into the process-emotionally, spiritually, financially-that I just knew this was our answer. But, it wasn’t. My faith hasn’t been shaken. I know my heart, I know my faith, and I know my Savior. There isn’t a doubt in my mind that His plan is greater than my plan, His ways higher than my ways. But, I’m human. It’s not that my heart is filled with doubt, that my faith has been shaken but, instead I’ve come into a place of drought. You see, after investing so much, literally putting all of our eggs in one basket (or in our case Petri dishes), and crying countless tears-I was dried out. I entered a drought.
Dear one, do you know the feeling? The feeling of “just not feeling like it?” Knowing that the answers lie in the one Book written just for us, but you just can’t bring yourself to open it. Knowing that He has only the best in store for you even when you’re broken, shattered. Knowing that if you could just pray, but not knowing what words to say-leaving the prayer unspoken in your heart. It leaves you in a drought. But, dear one, just like in a physical drought, the rain will come. It will soothe your spirit and He will whisper, “I am still here. I never left you.”
If like me, you’ve found yourself in the middle of a drought I want you to know- you aren’t alone. You’re not the first to be in a season of drought and you won’t be the last. But, you can use this season to draw closer to the One who can heal the dryness of a heart in drought.
“Therefore say to them, Thus declares the LORD of hosts: Return to me, says the LORD of hosts, and I will return to you, says the LORD of hosts.” -Zechariah 1:3
Even when we are in a season of drought, He never moves. He is waiting for us to come back, to draw closer.
“Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.”-James 4:8
And, when your heart feels empty. Empty of feeling, empty of prayer, empty of desire to worship. He will fill us.
“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.”-Matthew 5:6
And, this is my prayer. When I have no words, when my heart is dry, and my eyes have cried the last tear. This is my prayer.
“O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water.” -Psalms 63:1
So, dear one, if you have found yourself wandering through the desert remember this is but a season and He will bring the rain you just need to seek Him.
P.S. If you’re a fellow infertility sister, I’d love to hear your story and add you to my prayer list. Infertility is lonely in a world full of babies so, it’s nice knowing you’re not alone.
P.P.S. If you’re in a season of drought, I’d love to hear from you and add you to my prayer list, too.