I’m a fake. A fraud. A phony.
Faking life. Faking writing. Faking faith.
Fake: not genuine, counterfeit.
Well, that’s not the definition I was thinking of. I was thinking more along the lines of this one-a person claiming to be something that one is not.
We’ve all heard the phrase, “Fake it ‘til you make it.” That’s what I feel like I’ve been doing.
There are days where I don’t “feel” a certain way. I don’t feel like an adult-I still feel like a child. I don’t feel like the SLP I am-I still feel like the college student trying to figure it all out. I don’t feel like a wife-I feel like a little girl playing house. I don’t feel like a writer or blogger-I feel like a high school student turning in a research paper. I don’t feel my big faith-I feel like the mustard seed. And, in those days I’m faking it. I have the drivers license that shows my age, the college degrees, the marriage license, the blog website, and the word of God burned into my heart. I know, deep down, I am that genuine woman running after God’s heart in this messy thing called life. But, some days I just feel like I’m claiming to be something I’m not. I feel like a fraud, pretending to have it all together and topping it off with a smile.
But, how are we supposed to feel? The Bible tells us that our feelings are often untrustworthy.
Jeremiah 17:9 tells us, “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?”
Proverbs 28:26 says, “Those who trust in themselves are fools, but those who walk in wisdom are kept safe.”
Well, there ya go! The emotions of my heart are not to be trusted. Instead of trusting my emotions and living a life based on feelings, I am called to:
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding”-Proverbs 3:5
So, darling, if that little voice that tells me “I’m fake. A fraud. A phony.” isn’t to be trusted then, the little voice that’s whispering those words to you-the voice that is feeding your feelings isn’t to be trusted either. That voice is deceitful. It’s a liar. Guard your heart from your feelings and trust in the One who will never fail you, who holds you in the palm of His hands, and knows you and your feelings better than you know yourself.
P.S. If you’re a fellow infertility sister, I’d love to hear your story and add you to my prayer list. Infertility is lonely in a world full of babies so, it’s nice knowing you’re not alone.
P.P.S. If you’re struggling with your emotions, suffer from days of “faking it ’til you make it,” or just need a friend, I’d love to hear from you and add you to my prayer list, too.