On the way to work this morning, I hydroplaned. We’ve all done it at some point, right? But, this morning when it happened my heart stopped. I didn’t see the standing water. It was dark, you know the kind of dark that comes with being on the road at 6:30 in the morning in the middle of a rainstorm? I don’t see well in the dark anyway and add rain to that, not a good mix. Plus, right as it happened I decided to take a sip of my coffee-not smart, I know, but you know it’s coffee and it’s 6:30 in the morning. Put all of those factors together and my little hydroplaning incident became a little scary. This morning though instead of ugly words spewing from my mouth it was a praise that was on my lips, three simple words, “Thank you, Lord,” that came forth. It was a cry out to my God and in that moment, less than 30 seconds, I felt the road again. But, those precious seconds led me to think deeper about my relationship with my Lord, my family, my friends, my colleagues. Am I just merely hydroplaning through life or is there a deeper foundation under all that water?
I’m not going to profess to being the best Christian because I know I’m not. I make mistakes-daily, well let’s be honest, hourly. But, I serve a forgiving God. I have a smart mouth, I speak fluent sarcasm, and sometimes I have an unbridled tongue. I can admit my shortcomings and I sit here humbly before you and can say that I love my Lord with all my heart and it is Him who I strive to live for, but I am not the best Christian. I’m nowhere even close to the best Christian. Heck, sometimes I even doubt my goodness. But, God doesn’t doubt me and each moment He pulls me closer to Him. And, He wants me to strive to live for Him, but it isn’t my works or goodness that matter-it’s my heart.
“For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.” –Ephesians 2:8-9
You see, sometimes I feel like my car did this morning-floating across an unseen puddle of water without any traction to what’s underneath. No footing, no solid ground, shaky faith, spinning my wheels. Have y’all ever felt that? Tell me it’s not just me! But, if it is just me, it’s okay. Even on my days of little faith and where I’m full of self-doubt, when I feel like I’m hydroplaning through life, I know at the root of it, if I really stop and push the anxiety away, that I do have a solid foundation-that my foundation is in my Lord and He will not let my hydroplane through life. He keeps me grounded.
“He only is my rock and my salvation, My stronghold; I shall not be greatly shaken.” -Psalm 62:2
God desires me and in all my situations-the good, the bad, and the hydroplanes. When my spirit is weak, He is strong. God desires you in all your situations. He wants to hear from us. He wants to know everything-our dreams, desires, wants, needs. He wants us! How amazingly awesome is that? A God who created EVERYTHING wants me? That’s pretty great! It is my sincerest prayer that when I lose my traction, my Lord will pull me back down and plant my feet on His road. If you’ve been on this infertility journey then, you know better than anyone that sometimes you can feel like you’re spinning your wheels, but even in that spin, God is with us.
“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.” -Isaiah 43:2
P.S. If you’re a fellow infertility sister, I’d love to hear your story and add you to my prayer list. Infertility is lonely in world full of babies so, it’s nice knowing you’re not alone.