I’m a planner. I’ve always been a planner. Anyone who knows me knows there isn’t a spontaneous bone in my body. In school, I had a special notebook for each class, an agenda, and tons of to-do lists. Now that I’m older I’m still attached to my planner, well three planners-my personal, work, and Google! I can’t go all digital, I still need pretty paper and a good pen!
So, as any planner, Type-A personality will tell you, you put expectations on your life. From the time I was little, I had a life plan. College, career, marriage, home, travel, babies. You know the plan, right? I always wanted kids, but was perfectly okay with not jumping into a family right after the wedding. The fur baby was enough! Well, my plan was working until it no longer did.
This March will mark six years we’ve been on this infertility journey. At 27, I never thought infertility would throw a wrench in my well laid out plans. At 32, I’ve learned sometimes you need to release your expectations. A very dear friend told me, “Remember, what you need might not be what you expected.”
And, I don’t think she could’ve said it any better. (Thank you, Lauren!) I think that rings true for all of us. What we need the most may be completely different from what we expect. It may be a plan or path that is so much better or it may be a struggle, but what we need is what shapes us, molds us, grows us. If we learn to let go of our expectations, we can find what God wants us to experience. So, while I’m still expecting a miracle, I’m still hoping for a baby, and I’m still trusting the Lord-I’m also releasing my expectations of the life I had planned as a little girl playing with baby dolls because I know God knows what I need-His plan is greater than any expectation I can have for my life.
“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare[a] and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”-Jeremiah 29:11
What expectations did you have for your life? Will you join me in releasing your expectations in 2018?
P.S. If you’re a fellow infertility sister, I’d love to hear your story and add you to my prayer list. Infertility is lonely in a world full of babies so, it’s nice knowing your not alone.
P.P.S. If you’re in the midst of a trial or you are releasing your expectations, I’d love to hear from you and add you to my prayer list, too.