This is the first year that I haven’t fully decorated our condo. Usually, the dear husband hauls our Christmas tree and tubs and tubs of decorations from our storage shed at my family’s farm to our home in the city. (It’s only a 15 minute drive-not that much of a haul.) But, this year our storage shed is filled to the rim with new tools, kitchen cabinets, hardwood floors, carpet, and so much more. It’s impossible to reach my Christmas decorations. They’re somewhere in the back of all of the other stuff. So, for the first year our home looks sparse, incomplete, bare. I did get a steal of a deal on a rustic looking tree at Hobby Lobby and last month I purchased a darling ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas pillow, but that’s it. My tables and shelves usually covered by snowmen are lacking their normal Christmas sparkle.
But, since when did Christmas become more about the decorations, the traditions, the presents, the stuff and less about what truly matters our faith, family, love, and the greatest gift of all that no money could ever purchase? My heart wasn’t feeling the Christmas spirit this year-my Christmas joy has faltered. The lack of decorations may have something to do with setting the Christmas mood, but the lack of joy comes from somewhere deeper in the hollows of my womb. It’s the emptiness of the place where a third stocking should be hung, the desire for a precious bouncing baby that has yet to come, one more year coming and going and no “Baby’s First” onesies to be worn. But, you see that feeling of lost joy is completely internal and worldly because we’re told that our joy comes from the Lord!
“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”
You see, my joy should be manifested in the God of hope, not dependent upon the desires of my heart. Even though my soul yearns for a baby to call my own my heart should still be filled with the joy of our Lord because it’s not about what I’m lacking, but it’s about what we’ve all already been given!
“For unto us a child is born, to us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder, and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.”
So, dear one during this Christmas season my sincerest prayer for you is that you find your joy renewed. Take a moment to savor in the perfect present we’ve all been given.
P.S. If you’re a fellow infertility sister, I’d love to hear your story and add you to my prayer list. Infertility is lonely in a world full of babies so, it’s nice knowing your not alone.
P.P.S. If you’re in the midst of a trial or have found your joy lacking, I’d love to hear from you and add you to my prayer list, too.